HOMO FOMO is the worst.
It’s a Thursday night. You just came home from a date with a Cute Boy You Really Like™. His name is Tristan, so you’re pretty sure you can find him on Facebook, even without his last name. As you scroll up to the Search bar, the People You May Know section catches your eye....
"Who is THAT??" You casually ask yourself. "I might know this MODEL? Fifty-four mutual friends??" Then you click on his picture and his modeling photos come up. Wow. You scroll a little more, and his shirtless pics are public. DAYYUM. Tristan who?? Then you click through a little more and it turns out he has a boyfriend. SHIT. And he’s hot as fuck. DAMN! They’re pretty much the Hottest Couple You’ve Ever Seen™.
"Oh man. Are Tristan and I gonna be like that?" You ask yourself. "Are we even close?? Maybe the date didn’t go so well after all… his abs were NOT as defined as… umm… Taylor’s! This person I may know. And Taylor posted about Bernie Sanders! It’s like we were meant for each other! We’re so compatible!"
Then you open up Instagram. Check out Tristan on there. "800 followers? Hmm. Maybe his haircut WAS a little too long. Let’s see… Taylor… two thousand! Damn. A lot, but not TOO much. He’d DEFINITELY notice me following him and liking twelve of his photos. It’s settled. I’m gonna find him, boyfriend or no! Oh, that’s a cute pic he took in Minnesota! When was he there?
FUCK. He lives in Minnesota.
Who was I searching for again?"
-Dan DeStefano