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CLIMATE CHANGE, I mean.

CLIMATE CHANGE, I mean.

I AM GLOBAL WARMING. Part One.

September 23, 2015 in Politics

Well, this is embarrassing.

Growing up, my parents made me practice good dental hygiene. But the prevailing feeling was, DEFINITELY brush in the morning, MAYBE brush at night and flossing is just a SUGGESTION. I also had (and have) perfect teeth. Me going into a dentist's office is like Stockard Channing going into a plastic surgeon's office. "Ooooo! Look at those teeth! You must have had braces. No!? Oh my goodness, Charlene get in here!" Feels good. So, if I have perfect teeth, those "flossing" rules don't apply to me. Except after popcorn and/or BBQ ribs.

So I lived my life. People may have suggested that things would get worse, but I thought nothing of it. I'm special. My teeth are stronger. Perfect. Different. But my dentist's suggestions to floss quickly turned into strong urgings. Then they brought on the disease talk. "You'll get Gingivitis!" " You'll need surgery!" "Nothing will ever be the same again!"

But I didn't HAVE Gingivitis. I was just closer than ever to getting it. No big. Besides, what do Dentists know? They're just trying to sell me dental work. They're nothing more than used car salesmen. So I stopped going altogether. Partially because I didn't have dental insurance anymore, and partially because I really didn't like the dentist I was going to. And I hadn't heard of ZOC DOC yet. (Thanks facebook!)

But then my mouth started to hurt. Specifically, the molars on my right side. Eating a Caesar Salad felt like I was shoving rocks in between my teeth. So I made an appointment with a dentist. Using ZOC DOC! I went to my appointment, they cleaned my teeth, looked at my X-Rays, and...

Turns out I need a root canal. And root canals cost $4000. And my insurance won't cover it. Well, they'll cover $1000 of it. Maybe. After a 45-day approval process. During which my tooth will only get worse. Great. Some decay that could have easily been destroyed with floss had been eating away at my tooth, getting closer and closer to the root. I denied, denied, denied. Tried flossing for maybe a week and a half at a time. But it took so much TIME. And it was hard to reach the back teeth! And the flossers hurt my GUMS. Well, now that my tooth is destroyed, eaten away by decay on the inside, I'm definitely going to be flossing. But... it's destroyed. But I'm definitely flossing.

Oh, and on a related note, ocean levels definitely aren't rising.

Tags: Global Warming, Dentist, Teeth, Climate Change, Metaphor, Zoc Doc, Floss
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